A decade of kinky schananigans... my my my how time flys. I honestly cannot say with time, technology, society, and politics... that my job as a fetish fascilitator has gotten any easier, more safe, or even richer. The fantasy paints the role of Dominatrix as a gravy train easy way to make money (false) we have loads of men serving our every whim from cleaning to sex and everything inbetween (false) as well as domination is off the hook for prostitution (also false but... there is a small amount of truth to the last statement) Here is the reality check, according to my experience. Finding a good fetish provider is kinda hard, especially when you are looking on typical sex worker sites. You have to scroll thru lots of escorts to maybe find a dominatrix ad. Researching your options is a bit more complicated, but it can be done. If anyone is interested in how to do so, leave me a request to make a post on the comment section of this post. The current attitude toward sex workers (yes dominatrixes fall under that catagory even though we dont have sex with clients) falls between disgust and disposable as far as how we are treated 90% of the time. The amount of rude disrespectful men that contact me daily is obnoxiously high. Another interesting fact is maybe 2 out of 10 men who book sessions with me actually follow thru and show up for their session. So that kinda busts the idea we have a easy money job. Yes it's TRUE there are some dommes who have made outrageous incomes and do extremely well but... the truth is it takes alot of stuff and time to become a 6 figure dominatrix. I am not one of them. Why? Because my vanilla life has to be factored into when I'm available and i do not want to become a video content making domme, more than what I already do. Todays dommes have to know how to work social media, how to shoot video and edit, create images and post content to sites that require some serious techie skills. We pay for advertising, post ads, screen calls, update websites, write reviews, create workshops, and the list goes on. Maintaining a kinky playspace is laboriously time consuming. Learning all the different kink and fetishes, mastering the activities that go along with the fetishes takes time. Building our collection of fetish toys and props is expensive. I'm not dissing our sisters who do escorting, but I cannot do my job without an extensive amount of "stuff". It usually doesnt fit in an overnight/weekender bag. This in itself is why I do not do outcall unless it's a special circumstance. Let's talk about time. Oooiuuuuu... this is a slippery slope subject. MEN HOLD MY TIME HOSTAGE, AND WASTE IT MORE THAN EVER. For example a guy will call me at 10am and book a session for 4pm, then they dont bother to call and let me know they are not going to keep there session appointment, or they call right before their session and say not going to make it. Fastest way to pissing off a domme... waste her time. If you have chosen a fetish provider with a solid reputation in the industry, its likely she has a good work ethic, and it's safe to say she treats her clients respectfully, has mad skills in a vast array of fetishes, she practices safe, sane, and consensual bdsm practices. For a client it is important. Nobody wants to get hurt, robbed, scammed over trying to explore their kinks. Pick a unscrupulous domme, and you run the chance of getting hurt, losing your job, putting your marriage in jeopardy, and even getting into legal trouble if the fetish provider is just in it to earn fast cash, or an outlet to run scams on those who pay for play. This post isnt intended to scare you off from seeing me, thou it will probably scare a few away, it's intended to help you the client make good decisions and be aware in a niche market where rules are not always clear or followed. Another big change in the industry is how clients communicate with us. This is probably the most important piece of info in this entire post. MEN KEEP THE COMMUNICATION LEGIT. IF YOU TALK TO A PROVIDER ABOUT ACTIVITIES, DO NOT TALK ABOUT HER FEES IN THE SAME CONVERSATION. TALKING ACTIVITIES AND MONEY IN THE SAME CONVERSATION IS A GOOD WAY TO PUT YOURSELF AT RISK FOR BEING ARRESTED. ITS A GOOD IDEA TO KNOW THE LAW, BUT IF YOU DON'T KNOW FOLLOW THIS ONE PIECE OF ADVICE > DO NOT ASK ABOUT ACTIVITIES AND RATES IN THE SAME CONVERSATION. DONT TALK GRAPHICALLY. MOST DOMMES ARE 200 TO 400 AN HOUR. (IM 250 AN HOUR) If it's your first time, and she doesnt post her fees, you can ask her what her donation for time is, but you cannot discuss what you are going to be doing during the time you are with her. Never hand her cash directly. Set it down where she can see it when you arrive. She'll take it from there. This is serious, do not text your provider, call her directly if she gives you the option. Texts are all saved somewhere on the cloud, and if you have the misfortune of getting into legal trouble EVERY SINGLE TEXT can and will be retrieved by law enforcement or prosecuting attorneys. It's scary how much privacy we do not have, so do not make it easy to lock you up. Even thou what 2 consenting adults do in the privacy of their own time should not be punishable, currently laws are not in our favor on this topic. This is why I said earlier choose your Domme carefully, and research her before you meet her the first time. You could say Mistress Noir how do we know if you are safe? Well... good question. Here's one way to determine if your Domme is who she says she is, if a Dominatrix has been posting a blog for over a decade and her pictures match the ones in her ads, if you can find her on fetlife.com, if you have seen her at events in the community, if she has a web presence longer than a few months, if she has her own dedicated website (I'm building my new website FEMDOMPHOENIX.COM but I had themistressnoir.com for 8 years) the chances are she is a legit Dominatrix. The time, energy, and expertise it takes to be a good Dominatrix is no joke. There are many good fetish fascilitators to go to for a real time face to face experience. But, because of everything I have brought to light in this post the good ones are slowly disappearing due to the cost of being a dominatrix, the time we spend putting ourselves out on the web to catch your attn, and the burnout dealing with dicks who are just rude and disrespectful and timewasters, which is so bad that it takes a certain type of mental strength to not be affected by the constant daily assault of men showcasing their bad behavior repetitively its alot to manage day in day out... so yes it does affect us. We are human afterall. 2020 marks over a decade of me dominating.... those who seek fetish exploration in a tangible way. I'm proud of what I offer, I've worked hard to be able to say I am an expert. So be respectful when you call me to book my time to explore YOUR kinky whims, I'm becoming an extinct breed of Dominatrix. That alone deserves your respect even if it's just the basic level you give most humans you meet face to face... remember I'm the one who holds the paddle, the handcuffs, the locks and their keys.
